Living for the Weekend…

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It’s no secret. Moms love weekends. It’s like we get to relax. AHAHAHAHA. I kid. We never get to relax, but it does feel like we get a break, no matter how small. I saw this shirt and pretty much immediately had to have it. It’s so so so soft and I’m happy it’s mine. I will also wear my leather jacket until it’s literally 80 degrees out, everything below is fair jacket game. So that’s how this mom look comes together.

I hope everyone has an amazing week and if you need me, I’m just going to be over here counting down the days until Friday at 5.

I got this…

design-3Hi there. Let me introduce myself. I am a mom who barely changes out of pajamas, who tries her best to rarely leave the house without backup. Aka. The hubs. I breakout into a stress sweat thinking of taking both of my children somewhere, ANYWHERE… like, for instance, the grocery store… Let me paint a picture…

Why are car seats so difficult?! I might as well burn all my silk shirts now. They should have fans to cool off mom while she’s taking baby in and out of the car. Is that invented yet?! Did I just become an fucking millionaire?! Bring it Shark Tank.

Then once they are out of the car you need a carrier or a stroller, or worse, a shopping cart. These bacteria infested nasties, that are always strewn across the parking lot by lazy pieces of shit, are always no where to be found when you go to the grocery store?! What the what?! I just need one freaking cart near my car. Dear Lord.

please don't crydon’t cry. don’t cry. don’t cry. don’t cry. don’t cry.

Once inside you calm yourself, this is gonna be fine. Your pit stains start to dry. You’re a flipping queen. Out with both kids like a boss.

Wait. Toddler. How can you reach all this stuff?!! Why are you licking fruit?! That’s dirty. Here’s some pre-cut fruit. Sweet. I’m a great mom. Giving my kid a healthy treat– WHAT. THE. HELL?! Did you just dump all the cantaloupe on the ground?! Why?! Sweat returns.

Baby. You got this. Just chill in your 100+ dollar carrier. Can someone carry me in a giant baby carrier?! Sweet baby is gonna relax. Ouch. Did you just pull my hair?! Eekkk why are you trying to push off me like a spider monkey?! I’m just trying to show you love by wearing you so you can grow up to be a better human… Isn’t that what baby wearing is supposed to do???

Toddler. No. You can’t have a truck you don’t get a toy every time we leave the house. 10 seconds pass. You win. Here’s a damn toy.

Baby. Still attempting acrobatics inside the baby carrier. Tits feel as though they have been punched by a lady wrestler for an hour.

no seriously help meno seriously. please send help.

Stand in the freezer cooling pits wasting all the electricity. Mmmmmm frozen burrito. We’re almost done. Almost there. Just have to get this mess to the checkout.

Cashier. That will be 3 million dollars. Huh?! What?! What did I buy?! I can’t even make a meal with this, but I do have 30 bottles of raw coconut water… makes sense. Baby. Starts to cry. Hands card. Nope. I have to slide it. Nope. I have to insert it. What. The. Hell. Just take my money and get me the fuck out of here.

As you sign your name on the pen pal, you think, “damnit shit balls ass, I forgot the [insert random, but crucial ingredient to tonight’s dinner].” Welp, guess we are never having said item ever again. Get. ME. OUT.

Processed with VSCO with a6 presetplease don’t lick the cart. sigh. kid’s are dumb. 

Back outside. Sweats have started just imagining buckling children back into car seats. Load up trunk. Then begin the 25 minute process of deciding how to get kids in car and then return cart. Store was packed so you’re 6 spaces away from the return. Decide on baby first. He goes in. While you keep your foot tangled in the cart so no one steals your toddler, it’s science. Then toddler. He goes in. Screaming for his truck. You then prepare yourself for the sprint of a lifetime. Deep breaths. And execute, execute. This takes you 12 seconds. You hear that pieces of shit who don’t return carts!?! 12 seconds.

You get in the car and turn that ac shit up MAX. You hold back the urge to cry. Your pits start to dry. You hear your favorite Bieber song start to play. You begin singing, your kids love it. They are so happy. You crack open your coconut water and drive home like a bad ass bitch.

Hells yeah, I got this.

Jord, rhymes with Toad.

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I am soooooo excited about this post. Like so excited. BECAUSE. Drumroll. The Captain is modeling for us. Yes, that’s right!!! And he even picked out his own outfit. Boom. This guy would be so Insta-Famous if he wanted to be. Sigh.

Processed with VSCO with a6 presetI can’t think about watches without thinking about time. The Captain and I have been together now for 17 years. Time flies. It’s been my distinct pleasure to watch him grow into such an amazing man and father. My favorite sonnet is 116 which says, “Love’s not Time’s Fool,” and I mean, how beautiful? Love will not be stopped by time, it is eternal. That speaks to my heart. Time is so precious and let’s be grateful for every moment.

Last year we teamed up with Jord Watches and I was obsessed! So I am super stoked to be working with them again this Holiday season!!! We love watches [or “clocks” as Rocco calls them] in our house and a Jord Wooden Wristwatch is the epitome of cool kid. They are super lightweight, reliable, and [most importantly when you have kids] durable! The Captain went with the Conway series and looks dapper as hell, if you ask me. My hubs is nearly impossible to shop for! He knows about all the coolest brands and was a hipster before that was a thing. How hipster, right!? Jord offers a unique selection of watches for the most difficult to shop for.

Get your instant 25% discount code good through December 19th HERE!!Processed with VSCO with a6 presetProcessed with VSCO with a6 preset Processed with VSCO with a6 presetProcessed with VSCO with a6 preset

It’s Nacho Problem…

Processed with VSCO with a6 presetSo I eat nachos an alarming amount… but like when your “cheese” is made from carrots and potatoes and you top them with jackfruit and/or tons of veggies, it seems less indulgent. I followed various recipes the first few times I made this cheese, but was unhappy with the lack of nutritional yeast aka NOOCH aka vegan crack. It’s not really crack… it’s just addicting, dear Lord people this is a family blog. Shit. Any who, in honor of National Nacho Day, I bring you my delicious, healthy, and hella easy cheeze sauce. This bitch is soy, dairy, gluten, and oil free yet still tastes like unicorn tears and happiness. Enjoy.Read More…

Baby Numero Dos [3-6]

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[one] [two] [three] [four] [five] [six] [seven]

So you’ve survived the 4th trimester. Congrats. Maybe you’re still in it and feel like you have been living under a poo and vom covered rock. I assure you, it gets better easier okay, well different!? You will sleep again. Promise. Here are my faves for surviving 3-6 months.

Love to Dream Swaddle Up 50/50. So our beloved Ollie Swaddle is outgrown in our house around 4 months. My boys are rollers. Sheesh. So I was super excited when I saw a friend raving about this transitional swaddle. It’s awesome. He can roll and use his hands, but it’s still nice and snug like a swaddle, what’s great is you can unzip the arms as they lose the startle reflex around 6-7 months and have a wearable blanket. Yay, safety first!

Zippered Pajamas. I HATE snaps. Like dude, when you’re changing 2 million(exaggeration) diapers a day, you need quick and easy access. FACT. My kids live in pjs until they start sitting up by themselves.

Bright Lab Lights. Perfect ambient light for your nursery. I am so so so happy I purchased these puppies.

PlayMat. Get a nice play mat. They will spend so much time under this thing, so much to grab and play with, plus it’s nice and soft. We purchased a nice one from Target with Roc, but just know there are so many cool options out there!

WubbaNub Pacis. Roc wasn’t a paci guy, but Felix most certainly is. I’ve tried a few now, but the wubba nubs just make it so easy. The paci stays in better and once they start to gain some of those fine motor skills it’s much easier for them to place in their mouth.

Brica Bathtub. This thing was a must with both boys. They both get nightly baths, not necessarily because they are dirty, but for a sense of routine and some calming. We use super gentle soaps by Honest and Tubby Todd so we don’t dry that sweet baby skin out!

Baby Carrier. So our trusty Ergo performance has treated us very well. It’s great for walks, hikes, trips downtown, but it does get pretty toasty and it’s not the most fashionable choice. Our Happy Baby wrap has me like *heart eyes emoji* not only is it super lightweight and comfy, it’s SO PRETTY. Majorly good choice.

More Coffee. Still self explanatory. Seriously, I’ve had 2 cups in the time it’s taken you to read this.

The Baby Whisperer Books. So anyone who knows me or has ever asked my Mom-ing advice knows that we are Baby Whisperer people. And I’m going to let you know a little secret. I HATED this method with Rocco, I was so resistant to doing the work. The Captain would get so mad at me, but I am 100% positive the reason it took Roc so much longer to sleep train was because I refused to get on track with the method. F-guy is already so so so much more independent, takes amazing naps, and is well on his way to sleeping through the night. Don’t get me wrong this isn’t foolproof, babies have bad nights, growth spurts, teeth, etc. But for the most part this plan helps you predict their behavior in the day and give them their best shot at a good nights sleep. More on this in another post coming soon.

So those are my biggies!!! We will have 6-12 month must haves soon!!!! How do I have an almost 1 year old!?!? Sigh. Tear.

If you love me let me sleep. 

So we spend a gazillion dollars a year trying to get babies to sleep. A GAZILLION (note: I completely made this up). But in truth, I can personally attest to how much time and money that can be spent on getting these boogers to sleep. You’re tired. GO. TO. SLEEP. It’s just not that easy, is it?? In my opinion, the first step is teaching good sleep behavior. End of story. If you know me, you know we swear by The Baby Whisperer in our house. The Captain will have more on that hopefully soon, but sometimes that doesn’t do the whole shebang. So I believe paired with the right aids you can and will achieve sleeping success.

Our babies have been pretty okay sleepers while swaddled, but as many of you probably know once they start to flip and need arms out it’s GAME OVER. So after swaddling they lose that tight comforting feeling. So they my boys constantly needed to be reminded we are there with them with reassuring words or a hand on the back or belly. Enter Nested Bean. These good folks have thought of everything. They have placed a small weight on their swaddles and sleep sacks to simulate your touch. Genius! Right?!

Well, I was skeptical because there was nothing to control Fbombs hands in the sack and even though he’s past the 6 month startle reflex, I was just scared anything would set him back. The 8 month sleep regression hit (and wasn’t the terror Roc’s was, probably because of stricter baby whispering), but once we saw the light at the end of that tunnel I started putting him in his Zen Sack. You guys. YOUS GUYS. I feel like lightening is gonna strike me as I type this. Weeks. Weeks and weeks of sleeping through the night. Ummmmm say what now?! 11-12 hours of sleep?!? I’m not making this up. I realize everything with babies is in seasons and it could all change tomorrow, but I mean, it can’t be a coincidence! I’m a believer.

Felix is a tummy sleeper from about 4 months, which I assure you is safe once your baby is able to hold their head up. Talk to your pediatrician for more information, I am not a doctor just an informed mama. Moving on, so I was thrilled when I read that the Zen Sack can be worn backwards with the weight on their backs. You guys. This thing is pretty great! Again, I was skeptical. We loved our Ollie Swaddle and had been using a sack that was okay, but we were still getting at least 1 wake up at night. We understand that The The Baby Whisperer is not a quick fix, it’s about creating a life long healthy sleeper… so we don’t really believe in magic sleep suits, but this thing has truly been a blessing to help us reinforce healthy sleeping habits.

Check them out HERE