May, 2015

Journey Back to Confident.

FullSizeRenderLately I feel like my confidence has been taking a good swift punch to the nuts, like daily. I look in the mirror and see a body I just don’t recognize. It’s hard to explain, but I just lack the muscle and tone that made me feel strong and sexy before Roc was born. I also feel blah and tired and bleh like ALL. THE. TIME. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for my body. It created, carried, and birthed my favorite little nugget. It’s amazing, but as anyone who’s housed a tiny human can atest it does some GNARLY stuff to your parts. I always had something negative to say about my pre-baby body and now I’m like, “dude, that body was the shit!”

But here’s the thing, feeling uncomfortable in your body and feeling like you want to be better is not reserved just for those who’ve had babies. As women, we are constantly wishing we had smaller this, bigger that… I don’t want my son to hear me talk about my body that way. I want him to have a strong and confident mama no matter what size my jeans are! But here’s the thing, I also need to feel good and for me that’s getting back to eating clean [vegan with no refined sugar or wheat] and exercising regularly [20-40 minutes daily].

FullSizeRender_1I know it can be tiring and time consuming to meal plan but for me that is the secret to lifestyle change success! Planning so you don’t ever find yourself in a place where you are starving and without good options. I need a plan, I need lists. I am old school, so I use cookbooks. Like a TON of cookbooks. I love Gwyneth’s It’s All Good, Giada’s Feel Good Food, detox4Women, and any and all Kimberly Snyder books. I also have some favorite recipes from my favorite blogs and Pinterest, some of which I will be sharing with you! I have a membership to The Dailey Method which is amazing and an unbelievable way to slim down quickly in a super fun class surrounded by wonderful and inspiring women!! I also have a child that doesn’t like to be predictable and likes to nap through any plans I make so I am using online resources like the brilliant FREE videos from the Tone It Up babes and my trusty Tracy Anderson dvds so that I can get my sexy back without having to wake nugget from a much needed nap [le sigh].

Every week or so, I am going to be checking in with you to let you know my progress, set backs, recipes, workouts I’ve loved, workouts I’ve hated… The whole shebang. Maybe we do this together. I would love for this to be a place were we can openly share our struggles and triumphs of feeling confident in the bodies we have!

Moms Everywhere: I’m sorry I judged you…

BubbaI’m sorry I ever judged you for being late, canceling, or asking me to be ridiculously “available” so we could meet for lunch because I didn’t realize how delicately a good day and a bad day rested on an extra 15 minutes of nap time… Blasted nap time.

I’m sorry I ever spoke the words, “if they don’t create flexibility in their babies life they will never learn!!” I’m clearly an idiot who needs to be flogged. Flexibility!? HA! You are lucky if you can find some semblance of a routine with a baby, you are entirely flexible, but it’s about knowing how your baby will thrive and that trumps just about everything… Including a much needed meal of food with friends. Sorry boos.

I’m sorry I ever scoffed at a 5pm dinner request. Heck, is 4:30 too early!?!?

I’m sorry I judged that you didn’t have all wooden and bpa-free shit for your kid to play with. Who was I kidding!?! What do you want!? What will make you happy!? Plastic? Toys with sharp edges!? TV!? Hell, I’ll give you all of that!

I apologize for ever uttering the words “non-toxic” or “organic” in your presence. Self explanatory. See above.

I’m sorry I ever assumed that after you had a baby you were right as rain when even those with the healthiest mental fortitude are filled with so much emotion that can be downright exhausting all on it’s own, no mind you also have a tiny person to keep alive.

I’m sorry I ever judged you for being absolutely exacerbated and annoyed by this creature that you “supposedly love and cherish.” Dude, there are days where you are so absolutely NOT enthralled with being a doting mommy. It’s exhausting and sometimes infuriating. And on top of never quite knowing what your spawn needs, you are so exhausted you don’t even know what YOU need. Have I bathed today? Brushed my hair? My teeth!? Have I lost all ability to use proper personal hygiene!?!

I’m sorry I ever said, “I’m tired” in front of you because I had probably gotten at least 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep the night before and I’d probably get it again that night. So basically I was a dick head.

I’m sorry I ever shot you a judgmental sideways glance as you donned yoga pants and a top knot, AH-gain because I assumed you care what others think. That’s not to say you don’t care about your appearance, but there are days were your outfit and coiffed do take a major back seat to a catastrophic blown out diaper or a disaster of a nap time. And guess what, that’s okay!?!?

I’m sorry I didn’t write this sooner! I know I’ve written similar posts, but this one has been on my mind for a few months, but it’s just now finding it’s way out of my head over the past week. After talking to my mommy friends there seems to be an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy amongst Mothers, that needs to end now. I know it’s hard. I daily find myself wanting to do something better or have to more patience or to be more present in the moment… I am trying to remind myself that each day is a new day and when something doesn’t work today, I can start over fresh tomorrow. But what none of us needs is pressure to live up to anyone’s unrealistic standards, sometimes even our own.

Love them. Cherish them. And for the love of geez-o-petes give yourself a break!